This post was going to be my AI rant but then we had the anniversary of my first date with Mark—my last first date!—and we visited friends on the weekend and now I’m in too pleasant a mood to rant—maybe later in the week it will snow and I’ll be sufficiently miserable. The header photo is of the actual dessert we shared on the first date—you can see the two spoons! Not even because I thought the night was particularly auspicious but because it was the aughts and I had not yet learned to calm down about digital photography and if I saw a nice dessert I took a photo.
Thursday March 19, 2026 is 17 years exactly from that first date, a very long time—Mark pointed out, that many years BEFORE the first date was 1992, and I was in grade 8. So…I don’t know what to make of that fact, except grade 8 me would be glad to know how things worked out. Mainly about the husband but a little about the dessert.
It has long been the dream of my life to have my own advice column, but in truth, the older I get, the less qualified I feel to give anyone advice. Being a person just feels so…specific. You MIGHT think that having been in a fairly happy relationship for most of 17 years (we weren’t really in a relationship on the first date, I suppose) I would be able to give others advice on how to be in a happy relationship, but…I mainly know how to be in a relationship with Mark. I suppose I could give advice on that, if you wanted, but I’d rather not aid the competition, you know? Also, I don’t know if I’m even THAT good at being in a relationship with Mark—I feel like I need another 30 or 40 years to really hone my skills.
The other day I got home from French class (I’m taking French! More on this in a future post!) around midday and Mark wasn’t home. I put my stuff away and sat down to work and Mark wasn’t around and wasn’t around, and finally I texted to see where he was, which is a fool’s errand (Mark mainly answers texts that appear when he is already looking at his phone). Finally he turned up and I ran to the door like a puppy.
RR: Where have you been? I was worried when you weren’t home.
MS: I went to the mall on my lunch hour. I told you I had errands, remember? And I wasn’t gone that long.
RR: Oh. Yeah, you did tell me. I guess it wasn’t that long.
MS: Right.
RR: One really can’t be co-dependent and absent-minded.
MS: You really can’t.
So you see I need to fine-tune things.
Another thing: years ago I read something in a book about a person having “favourite topics of conversation,” and I thought that was somehow bad. Like, the best topic of conversation should be unique to the people present and circumstances and what is available to be talked about.
In middle age, I definitely have favourite topics of conversation, and I am lucky enough to have a partner who mainly shares them, although not entirely (Mark would like to talk about geopolitics more than I would. I would like to talk about people I mentioned once three years ago without having to re-introduce them into the narrative, and I would also like to discuss what’s in that unopened box in the box in the back of the closet. Neither of us are going to get these particular wishes.)
Here is a list of favourite Sampsenblum conversational topics. Like most people who live with each other for a long time, it gets rather repetitive, but we like it.
narrative analysis: book reviews, tv show reviews, movie reviews, etc. We like to know how stories work, and why we like it, or don’t. This is a lot of the conversations we have.
what’s going to happen: weekend plans, grocery lists, menu planning, vacation planning, who should we invite over for dinner, when should we go to the gym, what will the weather be like, who will be at the party, etc., etc. We are planners!
a sort of positive gossip? We talk a lot about why we like people. I’m not saying we’re never snarky! But if you’re a friend of ours, you can bet we’ve spent a dinner or two analyzing exactly why you’re so great.
a description of everything that happened while we were apart: how was French class, how was the gym, how was work (even if “apart” was “down the hall in your office”), how was hanging out with your friends, what was the movie like, what did you order for dinner at the restaurant, how was the dentist—I am pushier about this than Mark is but he was the who introduced “how was your shower?” during the pandemic
cats, of course—what they’ve been doing, why they’re great, where they’ve vomited recently, what they might be thinking and whether it is mutiny
There’s way more, of course, but those are some of the big hits. This past weekend we drove to Montreal and back in 36 hours, which was a delight for many reasons—great friends, great food, cute dog, Montreal!!—but also, the 12 hours in the car was absolutely the right amount of time during a busy season to sit still and chat with Mark about all of the above and once we’d covered all that, to get into real nonsense. This below was from the final hour of the trip, when we were back in Toronto radio territory and both very tired.
RR: I don’t see why Indie88 is playing Bruno Mars. He does not seem very indie.
MS: I know, right? I am glad you are noticing this.
RR: I actually don’t like Bruno Mars very much. He’s so…inoffensive.
MS: This song is about a guy who is considering making a girl his girlfriend, but she’s a bad dancer.
RR: Really?
MS: It has this incredible line, “But what good is beauty if your booty can’t find the beat?”
RR: Oh, wow, that IS offensive. I was wrong about Bruno Mars.
MS: I am glad you aren’t questioning why I know this.
RR: Why do you know this?
MS: Indie88 has been playing this song A LOT and I’ve really had time to analyze it.
RR: And what have you come up with?
MS: Even if a girl is really beautiful, she can’t be your girlfriend if she’s a bad dancer?
RR: You know that I’m not that good a dancer, right?
MS: Yeah.
RR (howls of laughter)
MS: What?
RR: Too fast. You have to at least hesitate or try to disagree with me or something.
17 years!!
