Small Observations

My main way of writing on the internet the past 5 or so years has been Facebook—a lot of that writing from 2020-2022 went into my pandemic book—but there has been a huge amount more than that that is uncollected and is never going to be. I just write it for the joy of writing it, for the chance that someone will see it while scrolling and go, hey, yeah, and maybe click like or write me a comment so I’ll know we had that connection, or maybe they won’t and I’ll never know but hopefully their day will be a little brighter or more interesting or they will feel some solidarity in weirdness or learn a new fact or, i dunno, something.

This newsletter is meant to be my offramp from Facebook but obviously I can’t write several small newsletters every day to folks or all the subscribers are going to send me to spam/unsubscribe/be annoyed. Push notifications are different from pull notifications. But I still want to write all these little thoughts and feelings and observations somewhere, so I’m trying longer diary posts here, where I collect a few days (a week?) of stuff in one newsletter before sending it. Let’s see how that works:

Sunday: Just reflecting on my weird week with Meryl Streep. I was listening to the audiobook of Tom Lake by Ann Patchett, which she reads brilliantly—I’m sure it would be a great book in any format (I loved it anyway) but she is such a great voice to have your ear for all that time. Highly recommended. And that reminded me of this funny little clip I saw of Jennifer Lawrence explaining how on the set of the film Don’t Look Up (a movie I thought was pretty good, but so gd depressing) she and Jonah Hill were always calling Streep The GOAT ie., the greatest of all time) but she thought they meant “old goat” and no one realized the confusion until filming wrapped and they were in promotion because Streep was not offended and just rolled with it, figuring that she was in fact, older than they were. How humble and funny! AND THEN I saw my author pal Danila Botha make a joke online about how she got new glasses and whenever she does she thinks of that time on the Simpsons when Homer completely ignores Bart’s problems and says he’s sad because “He probably misses his old glasses.” I could remember the line but not the episode so I dug it up on Disney+—it turns out to be called “Bart’s Girlfriend” and it’s pretty funny, but I couldn’t place the actor playing the girlfriend and…yep, it was Streep. What a weirdly thematic week!

Wednesday: There are so many mornings I think about and borderline long for my favourite bannister at the job I was laid off from three years ago, and what is that exactly? I would touch it on the way into the office every morning as I arrived, as a habit but also as sensory pleasure—it had a really nice curve to it, much better than all the other bannisters in the building. I was laid off in the summer of 2021 and the building was sold the following year, so even if I were magically rehired, I would not regain access to the bannister. I miss my friends and colleagues from that job, the valuable work we did, my cute office, and many other things, but much else has changed in the past three years and I’m largely resigned to the situation now. Still…many mornings, around the time I would have been arriving at the office, I think about putting my hand on the bannister. I know this is nothing you could diagnose, but it’s certainly not…typical, is it?

Also Wednesday: Is anyone else getting a lot online ads for a hoodie with a picture of an opossum screaming on it and the text, “First of all, I’m a delight.” Also, how has the algorithm read me SO WELL?? I see that ad most days. It is almost certain that I will buy it, even though I don’t really wear clothing with words on it.

Thursday:
RR (walks into Mark’s office): Does my skin have a golden glow?
MS (seated at desk): I don’t know, lean down? Closer? Closer? (grasps RR’s shoulders to pull her even closer, stares hard at face) Um…I see some redness up here (gestures)…freckles…warm brown eyes….
RR: Good save!
MS: Not really golden…
RR (straightens up) Ok then.
MS: …
RR: It was a free sample of a product I obviously won’t be paying full price for.
MS: Oh, I thought you were worried you had jaundice.
RR: I said “golden” not “yellow”!
MS: You say “tomato” I say “to-mah-to”…

Friday:
RR (walks into Mark’s office): So “a high-quality cat” is hyphenated but “this cat is high quality” is not hyphenated, right?
MS (working) Right.
RR: And the reason is just because that’s the way it is, right?
MS: No! It’s because before the noun it’s a compound adjective but after something something something…
RR (pulls hem of dress over face)
MS: Ok, nevermind, you don’t care.
RR (lets dress go back to normal) No, please say it again. I don’t care but I have to explain it someone who does.
(more about compound adjectives ensues)
RR: Ok, thanks. I am in such a bad mood and my stomach is upset and I hate everything.
MS: Why is your stomach upset?
RR: I DON’T KNOW!
MS: Ok!
RR: Possibly I shouldn’t have gone swimming in the very dirty pool…
MS: Do you think you have dysentery? Did you drink any of the water?
RR: Not on purpose.
MS: Oh, well, that’s how that works.
RR: Yeah, right? Intent is nine-tenths of the law, isn’t it?
MS: Certainly with human biology it is.